Hot Scott Eastwood

I got you. You’re reading intrigued about what I’m going to write about Scott Eastwood. Sorry, but I don’t care if he’s hot or not or if he’s going to star in more movies about bullshit.

I used to endlesssly watch the "Santa Barbara" soap opera with my sisters because of my crush on Eden Castillo. Just last month, I learned she was a fictional character.

I used to dream I was naked on the set of "Baywatch" with Pamela Anderson, only sand in my hair before I got married. Now I’m dreaming I’m naked on the set of Baywatch with Pamela Anderson and my wife. I probably need to find a private beach or something not as scary to dream of.

So why do I write? Because I'm not all there. Actually, there’s Richard Scarry. He was a popular American children’s author and illustrator who published over 300 books. My full name is Richard Mark Anthony Tattoni and I’m crazy and only a little scary. I'm the author of the unpublished "Vampire State Building" but Scott doesn't know.

The Tibetan Fastball might have been over one’s head, so I’m going to try a different pitch. What about the split-finger fastball? Mike Scott made a living off the split-fingered fastball with the Houston Astros around the time Ronald Reagan invented Star Wars and Nirvana was recording Bleach for the independent record label Sub Pop. I really can’t remember if I visited Seattle in 1992 or 1994 or if I did help write Kurt Cobain’s suicide note; or if I just followed the Seattle Mariners and tried picking up girls at the Starbucks in the Pike Place Market before going to odd baseball games.

Sometimes my head feels like it's still in Seattle's world-famous Space Needle. Nowadays, I feel like I'm being sucked in by Tralfamadorians in chapter five of 'Slaughterhouse-Five.' My wife and I are going to see Buffalo Bisons and I’m going to throw a colossal curveball next month. You could have read this or watched a Scott Eastwood movie.